It’s Saturday afternoon and you and your friends are planning to go to the movies and then spend the night together. Just as you start to get ready, your dad reminds you it’s your aunt’s birthday party and the whole family is going out to dinner to celebrate. How can this possibly end without a huge argument?
One of the greatest sources of tension between teenagers and their families is the struggle to balance individual wants with family expectations. As you struggle to become more independent and more interested in being with your friends, your family is trying to figure out how to deal with the changes in you and your interests. Where you once spent most of your free time with your family, you may find yourself wanting to spend more of it with your friends. Parents may get their feelings hurt or feel as if they are losing control of the family during this period. And you might feel angry that so many family demands are placed on you. There are a few things you can try to make it a little easier to ease the tension.
* Make your plans in advance and ask your parents if there is anything else planned at that time.
* When something with your friends interferes with a family event, try to figure out if there is any way you could do both. In other words, could you spend a little time with each group? Or could you go to the family event and ask if next time you could choose to be with your friends? Or could you invite a friend to also join in the family event?
* Suggest something you would really like to do with your family. Sometimes parents feel better just knowing their teenager wants to spend time with them.
There are sure to be times when you won’t be happy with the outcome because you’ve either disappointed your parents or had to miss out being with your friends. You can diffuse a lot of the anger and tension if you show consideration for the feelings of your family as well as those of yourself and your friends.
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